Category Archives: Khayali pulaav

Ravana : the conflict of desires and morals

(Thanks a lot Bhagyashree for helping me out with editing)

I used to go to all the Kathas, organised in my hometown. Being from a middle-class family, we had only one TV in our home. So I  always had to watch those series which were related to Rama and Krishna, as my grandmother watched those. I was the kind of kid who was inclined towards spirituality from start.

 

I always liked the character of Rama and appreciated, not just because he was a god but also because of the characteristics they used to show. I liked how much obedient Rama was or how much he loved his wife or the bonding he had with his brother or for even his Vanar Sena . I truly believed, these characteristics are something to have as a virtue. As a kid I hated Ravana for the actions he chose to perform or sometimes just because of evil face he had in the serials.

 

With time we started talking about it, discussing spirituality in given way as well as their present relevance. One day my group of friends in VNIT were going to Chandrama (Night Canteen of college) and a friend of mine suddenly asked, ” what would you like to be a Rama or a Ravana?”

 

My immediate question was, “how can you even ask about it?”

 

He explained himself, “I was reading some article about it and asked it because it is said that Ravana was the most sagacious person in the world, he had that empire which others would be an envy of, in that period his empire was known as ‘the golden lanka ‘, he had that technology in that time which we think of now. He was the bramhin which during that time are known for their acumen, he was most powerful king by army that he had defeated the famous karma god ‘Shani dev’ and held him prisoner. ”

 

I replied, “But at the end, what matters is your character. What is the use of all that, when he didn’t have a good character” The discussion was long and interesting enough to fill more than 20 blogs but the relevance of those doesnot stick to the main idea of this one.

 

Why I thought about it now  because today is the first day I am understanding and appreciating some parts of what ravana did. I am not saying what he did was right, but at least, I could think of  there may have been reasons which lead to misleading most wise men on earth to choose the path of evil. There can be something which you truly want, but you can’t have.

 

Initially, he wanted to take revenge for his sister and took the first step, he had never planned to fall for Sita but in the end, he did. Despite of his desires towards Sita, he never forced himself on her. He kept Sita in security of his best female guards and away from all the ‘aasuras’ including himself. He always wanted Sita to accept him willingly, but he knew he would never have her. This made him go  to the extent for wrong tactics or fighting a war. (Even though Rama had started it)

 

May be there comes a time in your life, when you just want something at any cost. Ravana wanted Sita, Duryodhana wanted Kingdom, etc. History has been a  witness to the fact that every person at some point in his life face this conflict to choose between the Rama (good) and Ravana (evil) existing within. And also the fact that this conflict gives rise to either great heros of the time or to the biggest villians of all times.

 

I can corelate to it because I am standing in a situation, where I know truly want something or rahter I should say I need it, but i know I cannot have it without embracing the ravana that exists within me. The thing is that the ‘Sanskaras’ given to me by my family and my morals stops me in doing.

 

Even if I don’t took the step on the path of wrong-doing I will always know in my heart that the thought of taking the wrong path came to my mind to achieve my desires. What makes me sad is that how vulnarable human can be to let desires to takeover on rationality. I am not at all saying Ravana was right. What am saying is if Ravana, the most maverick man can go wrong, then may be sometimes I can too.

 

All I can control is to hope that the Rama in me wins the battle from the ravana within me. So that there should not the situation comes that the Rama from the outside world have to take steps to defeat the Ravana in me.

A night of Daydreaming

The memories of childhood are the memories which make us what we are currently. Regardless of the age, those are the memories we carry with ourselves throughout our lives holding closely near to our heart.
Those were the childhood days when all my cousins used to visit my home for summer vacation. During those days, my family for four used to expand in a size bigger than a big fat Indian joint family. That was the period when every moment regardless of day or night is memorable for all of us. Everyone of us including me and my sister has little bit different memories for other typical Indian child.That was of sleeping on the terrace. All of us, kids, used to go and sleep on the terrace, partially because of the reason that it used to be summer, partially because of the fact that we used to get a chance to stay awake longer in the absence of elders of the house.
That was one such beautiful night and all of my cousins, except me and my one brother, were exhausted to sleep after playing for the whole day. That was a full moon night with the moon as a big ivory-colored ball.I don’t remember when and how I started ogling at such a mesmerizing beauty of the night.
In childhood, we always get scared of night and darkness, but that night was something different. The darkness of night was completely and gracefully bathing in the milky light of the moon. It just looked more beautiful than usual. I was dumbstruck while looking at the purity of glow that was coming out of that shining satellite. There were few clouds that night specially near the moon and the wind was flowing at an unusual rate. The clouds were complementing the view of the night making it appear like the moon was blinking its eyes every now and then while the wind was the messenger between me and the moon. Whispers of the wind were appearing to be like it was asking me that am I staring at it and was feeling shy for the same reason.
By that time, I had started learning science and was very well aware that Moon is not something I would be getting any day. But my heart just constantly was asking me for it. I just kept staring at it as if I have certain right on it, capturing it in my mind forever. I knew for the fact that it would be there like this tomorrow, may not be in the same shape, but it will return to this shape someday. But my heart was making it harder to accept the fact, as it felt that the glory moon was holding that night won’t be coming back. It had just taken the control over my mind and was asking my eyes to take most of it.
My sense of vision was trying to convince my mind that Ok, you are not lucky enough to have it and you never know when you will be looking at it again. My science teacher had told us a theory of the cycle of the moon and it made my heart beat faster for few minutes. Till then my cousin had noticed this for a long time and couldn’t control but ask me about it. I told him the trail of thoughts going in my mind. Putting me out of my misery he just told me that think it like this. Yes, you may not be lucky to have Moon in your hand, but believe me, it wants to be yours.
That’s the reason it comes back every night to see you. It’s at a distance because it can’t come to you but from a distance it’s yours.
That thought was totally unnatural but pleasing. But still I knew it will take a month for it to come back to the same shape and for me to look at it like this. Hence decided to absorb all of it through my eyes for all the time it was there.
Similarly, there are certain things in our life that are out of our reach. No matter how much we wish those things to be ours, the real beauty of those things are from a distance and not in capturing them.

The last promise

(Many of my old friends have met a person named ‘Keshav’, who would constantly imagine stuff. But many of you haven’t. So these are the stories which may introduce you to him.)

I opened my eyes with a cute sound falling on my ear. The same sound, which I slept hearing for. A sound that was mesmerising enough, that any man would love to wake up with. She was asking something about the tea vendor who was passing by. It was the last trip that we were having before she would change her title. We had planned this for her, one of the dearest members of our group. I had a shawl on my face but still I could see a faint image of her. I kept staring at that image for a while. She was standing at the gate of the coach, as if she was looking at the life ahead of her. The light of side lamps which would pass was falling on her now and then. She was lost somewhere and was trying to get out of it. Then all of sudden I wanted to check my messages and by now she noticed that I was awake. Even I was tired of looking at faint images of her, so I removed the shawl from my face. She came and sat on her seat which was a side birth.

A dim moonlight, coming from windows was falling on her face. She was awake all night, but there was no sign of tiredness on her face. Even in that condition many girls wouldn’t even able to compare to her while they are at their best. She too kept staring at me asking few questions with her eyes. But I was so lost in some thoughts for some time, that I didn’t say anything. Finally, she had to move her lips and asked me why I was awake. I was just looking into her eyes without any answers. Those eyes were something to die for. And the Kajal that she applies makes them even more adorable. She was asking me what I was looking at. I said nothing. I wanted to tell her I am looking at a face, on which even slightest sign of worry made me feel like a world war in college. This thought reminded me that I may not even know expressions on that face for months now. Don’t know why, but I felt jealous of that person, who would be looking at this face every day. I felt how lucky he was. I had heard from my friend that if you dissipate some energy in the universe it remains there and sometimes it reaches the destination it is supposed to. So, I sent my message to that person via my head, please don’t make this face sad even for a second. Please take care of her. You are such a lucky person. I know she isn’t mature, she is more like a kid, but maybe that’s the best part of her. Take care of her.

And she broke my silence by saying, “whaaaat!!? Sleep for few hours.” I said, “No”. she asked me, “why?” I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to tell her that I want those eyes to always glitter with happiness. I can’t assure her that because I have failed to take care of that in the past. So maybe I would like to promise her that I won’t let a drop of a tear roll down her eyes. I would surely remain her best friend who she used to contact at 3 AM in the morning and expect to cross 7 seas to give her a shoulder. I promised her that, SILENTLY.